Today

Dear Tessa,

Your daddy and I were lying in bed talking about how cute and sweet you were today and how much we love you, so much so that even after daddy had fallen asleep, mummy still couldn't stop thinking about you. Now I am wide awake because my mind is filled with thoughts of you!

Today I put a slice of apple in your palm so that you can learn to hold and feed yourself. You kept pushing the entire slice at once into your mouth. I said, "Tessa, eat slowly." But you won't listen and kept stuffing the apple into your tiny mouth. In the end, you realized you weren't able to chew the apple properly when your mouth is so filled, so you just spitted everything out. So messy! *sigh* Looking forward to more lady-likeness someday...

In the evening, after I gave you your last feed of the day, you sat up and looked at me with such a smile of contentment on your face. You always have that smile after every feed that makes all the difficulties of breastfeeding worth it. Looking at you, I couldn't resist saying, "I love you Tessa." And you smiled again so sweetly. Then I asked you, "Do you love mummy?" And to that you shook your head and smiled. The thing is, nowadays, you have learned to shake your head when you want to say "No", but you shake your head too when you want to say "Yes". ( By the way, I love the way you shake your head. Gentle, honest and endearing.) Somehow, at that moment, from the way you looked into my eyes and smiled, I knew your response meant "Yes". *my heart melts* That was the first time I "heard" you telling me "Yes Mummy, I love you too."

At night I went through the usual bedtime routine of putting you in your cot and singing and praying and patting you to sleep. Then I suddenly remembered how I have been wanting to train you to fall asleep on your own progressively by first not patting you but sitting by your side and just sing and pray. So I stopped patting and rested my hands on the bars of your cot. To my surprise, you stretched out and grabbed my palm and placed it on your bottom. And when I still didn't moved, you patted your own bottom twice, as though commanding me to continue likewise! I couldn't believe you were demanding me to pat you, so after a few pats I decided to stop again and rested my hands at the side of your cot. Again you did the same thing! That's when I realized how dependent you have become on my patting to fall asleep! In the end I insisted not to pat you but just sat by your cot side. After some time and with much resistant, you finally fell asleep. And now you are still soundly sleeping... :) I hope you will soon master this important skill of soothing yourself to sleep, and fall asleep knowing that even though I'm not patting you, I'll still be there by your side watching you fall asleep every night.

Playtime

A mother-daughter trip to Nagoya, Day 1-3

A huge hug from Daddy at the airport before Tessa bids farewell for the next 2 weeks

Being back in Nagoya has been rather surreal. This place has so much memories, yet my mind seems to be lagging in processing any nostalgic emotions. I know it's probably because both mum and Tessa are here with me, and Tessa requires all my attention every second that she's awake. I hope I can find time at night when Tessa's sleeping to journal about this trip.

Was really moved by Kenken and Ayako's wedding. My heart was filled with praises as I thought about how God brought them together. Not that everything was perfect (yes,there was a great deal of mistakes and misunderstandings and should haves/ should have nots), but in the end, I know that this is a couple that truly loves and pursues the heart of God. And I know that God looks upon them with great delight. May they build a house of faith that will continue from generation to generation here in Japan.

I was also awed by how wonderful Ayako's family is. Though they do not know Christ, they exhibited so much love and respect for each other. Much more than many Christian families that I know... Why are there so many broken marriages and disfunctional families amongst those who proclaim they are followers of Christ??? My heart hurts when I think about this... God, help Victor and I build a family the way you have intended a family to be. Help us to be the kind of husband/ wife and father/mother that reflects all the love and grace that you've shown us. I really want Tessa to grow up in a home where Christ lives with us...

Tessa seems to have changed a little since she turned one. She's so much more active and demanding now! When she doesn't get what she wants, she yells and breaks into tears so quickly. I'm honestly feeling my huge lack to be a patient and self-controlled mum.

Anyway, here's some pictures of Day 1-3 in Nagoya... I actually forgot to bring my camera to the wedding!!! (T_T')

Tessa exploring every part of the house and making sure everything gets sweep onto the floor @_@#

Eating kids meal- udon and rice with hamburg and wedges! We gave her only the udon and rice of course.

Refusing to sit still

This is the only way to keep her from crawling to dangerous items when we are busy...

PoPo trying to cheer distressed Tessa with a song. Thank God for PoPo!

So KOOL :D

Since yesterday Tessa's been having a fever that has steadily climbed from 36.9 to 38.7 degree celcius overnight. Being her first fever, I was really clueless and worried and did all I could to try bring down her temperature. Little girl refuses the traditional way of laying down and letting mama put a cold wet towel on her forehead, so I brought her out to the central to buy KOOL (fever patches).

I had to distract her like crazy (literally, by singing and dancing and exclaiming at her surroundings when there was nothing to exclaim about) in order to keep her from pulling off the patch. Also avoided all kinds of reflection (mirrors, glass doors of shophouses, bus windows etc) that may remind her of the patch on her forehead. Successfully kept that patch on for 5 hours and I think it really helped brought down the fever! *phew*

These patches could last for a good 8 hours but she somehow found out that it was there when she was rolling around my bed. Haiz. To not waste the 3 hours of use time, I pasted it on my forehead instead (tho I was totally not having a fever at all! haha...) and it felt sooooooooo cooling and the gel was so soft and comfortable. I don't know how to describe it better. Love to have one on even if I'm not having a fever.

Anyway I am just so thankful for this invention. Gotta keep watching her temperature to make sure she fully recovers. It ain't fun to have fever! Especially for the mummy.

Tessa at 8 months

Dear Tessa,

This month your ability to pick up new skills amazes me every day! Within a month, you've hit so many milestones. You can now 1) pull yourself up steadily to a standing position (often with the help of my hair :S); 2) get from a crawling position to a sitting position (and vice-versa) without much effort; 3) eat finger food on your own (currently loving Babybites, Cheerios, Gerber's star-shaped fruit puffs); 4) call "mamamama..." (I'm half hoping you've understood it's association :P); 5) wave "hi" and do a somewhat flying kiss; 6) crawl even faster then I can catch you (thus danger is always a blink away); 7) smile a lot more; and 8) even though you don't nap vey well in the day, I'm thankful that you have been sleeping through the night from 830pm-7am :)))

Love this pic of you focusing so hard to finish your Babybite

Your first and (so far) only "orh che" from falling off the bean bag

You never fail to make Daddy and I laugh with your 101 sleeping poses, your funny dance that resembles an imaginary horse-riding exercise, and your sudden short burst of laughter at the most random and mundane sounds. You still drool a lot cos milk tooth #5,6 and 7 are on their way, and you still bite anything and everything that comes into your grasp.

tissue. yum...

barrier cream. yum yum...

theology books. yum yum yum...

Tessa, you are sooooo cuuuute!!! :))) This is the most frequent phrase your Daddy and I says to each other before we fall asleep every night. We love you so much. We pray that by the grace of God we will continue to love you and watch you grow up.

What A Difference Each Day Makes

Over the past 2 weeks, Tessa seemed to be mastering a new skill every day. One morning I woke up and heard her calling "ma ma ma ma ma....". That familiar voice that only knew how to brew raspberry bubbles woke up with a new vocab. And then last Saturday saw Tessa holding on to Baby Bites and Cheerios and finishing them up all by herself! It was definitely a great achievement and a sign of the beginning of her independence, albeit the mess on her clothes and the kitchen floor.

Before I could find time to blog about that, the next day Tessa learnt to pull herself to a standing position in her cot! *gasped*

Tessa excited about being able to stand on her own

Then today, Tessa learnt yet another new skill. She started waving back "hi" and "bye" in response to my colleagues' greetings. It was such a wonderful surprise! And she does it so well with a smile on her face, as though she is also glad that she can now wave :)

Tessa: Bye bye mummy!

Who knows how little Tessa will surprise me tomorrow or the day after. She is growing up so fast. Too fast! It is exciting to watch her do new things. But I haven't had enough time to cherish those of yesterday. Tessa's growth is such a bitter-sweet thing. I really wanna blog more so that I won't miss out or forget any bits of these memories.

Been To The Zoo

Despite our tiredness, we decided to bring Tessa for her first visit to the zoo with her Ye Ye and Nai Nai today. It was raining while we were on the cab there but thankfully the rain did not last long. Was a little humid at the zoo but the occasional breeze was so refreshing.

Learning about baby monkee

One of the few animals that Tessa could actually see cos it came much nearer.

Tessa reaching out for Ye Ye's glasses

She's more interesting than the monkees and giraffes?

Tiger and his baby cub going into their territory

(fyi: Vic & Tessa are both born in the year of Tiger)

Sophie's eating Daddy's hair!

The butterfly's coming towards me!

Look where it landed!

Hardly aware that she's surrounded by animals but

we still think she enjoyed her first visit to the zoo!

Yay!

When evening came I started looking for a place to nurse Tessa and the lady at the service counter actually opened up the first aid room for us. Tessa was so tired by then she fell asleep while drinking... And then we had pizzas for dinner before heading home. The whole trip cost us nearly S$90! Cab to and fro was abt $45, plus admission ticket of $20 per adult. Tessa will have free entry til she turns 3 so we should really make use of that!

I am actually super exhausted now but since I'm waiting for Vic to finish preparing for Sunday School tomorrow I decided to blog and upload all these pics to Fb. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day with an early start travelling to church.

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Lord, thank You that Tessa is growing up to be such a cheerful and adorable girl. Thank You for every new day. Renew our strength as we rest tonight so that we may worship You tomorrow.

A Day At Po Po's Home

Brought Tessa to Po Po's place today. It's great to spend our day there cos Tessa gets to play with Gong Gong, Po Po, Yi Yi, Caleb and Bryan :) And I get to eat yummy and healthy home-cook lunch and dinner. The only difficulty is getting Tessa to nap for more than an hour. She keeps waking up after 30- max.45mins, even with me lying by her side.

Caleb came home from school and wanted to play Yi Yi's game (a.k.a games on my IPhone). Unfortunately my IPhone has zero games. So we found the only fun thing he can do with my phone. Take pictures!!!

Silly pose for Caleb the Photographer

Yi Yi puts funny hat on Caleb

My little nephew is big Gor Gor now

Gor Gor Caleb and Tessa

Wish some of these shots (esp. the last one) were taken with a better quality camera. If only I still have my IPhone 4!

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When I was leaving from Pasir Ris, Pa, as usual, came down with me to help me wave for a cab. He shared some things from his heart which made me cried throughout the whole cab ride back. Their problems seems like a spiral that keeps on going downwards over the years. Mum seems to not know what better to do than to voice out every frustration. Dad is helpless and hides away. I really don't want them to live their aging years like this. One of my greatest wish is that they can grow old happily together. But I am in no position to tell my parents what they should/ should not do. I can only pray that they may experience the immense forgiveness and love of Jesus in their relationship. And I pray the same for Vic and myself. For I know that there can be no better gift we can give to Tessa than for her to see us happily married.

Lord Jesus, be in our center. Teach us to forgive as you have forgiven our iniquities. Teach us to sacrifice as you have given us your life. Teach us to love as you have embraced us though we are such sinners.

Tessa at 7 months

I love watching the determined look on Tessa's face whenever she lifts her body up on her fours and her eyes focused on a certain object she's gonna reach. Her arms are still not strong enough to move forward, so she'll fall back on her tummy and start wriggling forward. She moves really fast, often from one end of the bed to another in a blink. She's been giving me lots of mini heart attacks whenever I find her ALMOST falling off from our bed.

And I love the way she rests after an aggressive chase. Good job, Tessa!

Sorry Tessa

Why are there moments when I'd actually think that I can stop Tessa from crying by being louder than her cry? Again today, for the third time since she was born, I lost control of my anger and raised my voice.

It was one of those evenings when Vic has to be home so late, Tessa was struggling in great distress for some inconceivable reasons, my wrist hurts real badly carrying her with one arm and doing everything with the other, she had her saliva and perspiration slapped all over my face, I clumsily dropped the pacifier I just sterilized onto the floor, there was no more warm water in the flask that I can use to wash her up, she can't stop crying and kicking and scratching her already injured ears as I struggled vigorously to hold her down...

Finally I yelled "STOP!". She shuddered for a second and wailed even louder.

Now I feel like crying 'cause the shock on Tessa's face keeps on replaying in my mind. What have I done to her tiny little heart...

To Tessa: I'm sorry dear Tessa. You were merely trying to express something to mummy but I couldn't understand. In your moment of need and distress, the one person that you probably trusted most yelled at you. I am sorry sweetheart. Please forgive me.

I'm a mommy now! Life after 9th July (fast forward)

Our first baby girl, Tessa, was born on 9th July, 2010 at 11.44pm. She was five days late from her EDD. It was a dramatic delivery and most parts of it were not what we were prepared for. But none of that matters when Vic and I finally held her in our arms and took in every bit of her beauty. I can't imagine something so amazing and so cute came out of me! A moment like this changes the deepest part of heart, and life will never be the same again.

First month was actually quite a bliss. All I can remember now about that month was good food (loved mum's confinement cookings), plenty of nap times,Victor singing "Summer time" to his baby girl every night, friends visiting,... oh yah, and much perspiring.

Second month was toughest, cos mum moved back home when my confinement ended. Suddenly I had to handle everything on my own- feeding Tessa every two to two and half hourly, changing (lots of) diapers, soothing her seemingly endless cries, putting her to rest, laundry and other hh chores, cook, eat and rest, ensure milk production, dealing with questions like "did she had enough milk?" whenever she cries... And nobody warned me how painful breastfeeding can be! I have gritted my teeth and fed her with tears in my eyes.

By third month I've more or less gotten the rhythm of life as a mommy. By this time Tessa's feed-sleep schedule had become more predictable too. But I guess hubby was the biggest factor that helped. Vic's been bathing Tessa every morning and checks on her when she cries in the middle of night, so I get all the rest I need to handle the challenges for the rest of the day. Yup, I am a blessed wife :) Tessa is a lot more interactive too. She melts our heart when she winks and smiles with great delight at every little facial expression we make, or when we sing to her some of her favorite familiar songs like "Edelweiss" and "Tessa, Tessa, you are my sweetheart".

Yesterday, Tessa turned four months! How did time pass so fast? She is no longer a newborn now. She can lift up her head pretty much, kicks herself around the cot, easily frees herself from every swaddle we tried, grabs stuff (often my hair), and makes "qoo", "wurr", and some giggling sound :D

Yup, our dear Tessa is growing very fast. And I'm feeling helpless knowing that my forgetful mind will soon fail to retrieve all the precious moments we had together. Already I am trying hard to recall what it was like holding her as a newborn...how all that "tinyness" felt... Every moment just keeps passing on to new ones so quickly, I can only remind myself to cherish her and the very moment that we are sharing right here, right now.

She is a gift from God.